on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 , 6:39 PM
Hello. Soooo... I screwed it :( I don't think tht was my best at all! Though i THOUGHT I did try my best. Well, I'm happy for my A-Maths grade though (: And i actually passed physics with a B4! Haha. And seriously, screw humanities! Again, my L1R5 was pulled down so low thx to tht! SCREW HUMANITIES! But i did improve by 4 grades though, but still, it was bad :( So anyway, lets just look at wad can be done from here la. Oh but b4 tht, I need to thank all the teachers who were talking me into cheering up and saying tht my score is actually not bad when seriously, u could have just said it into my face tht it sucked! And i think i kept screaming "I'm gonna kick so & so's ass!" yesterday. Haha. So sry, i was pissed at myself. But anyways, its over, and those papers are here rite infront of my face. So its time to decide wad to do next. And I'm deciding a poly. So we'll see how things work out bcoz I'm sure there would be loads of competition, considering the fact tht e whole of Singapore sat for their 'O's. Haha. Oh and i think God hates me, but its ok, i still love him (: I'm sry for failing loads n loads of people. But i think maybe now its time to really decide wad i want instead. So yea, this is really it. Byebye Jurong Sec and hello Ngee Ann / Singapore? Haha.

Okays tht's it then, i'll update again soon (:

P.S. I'M NOT DEPRESSED N I WLD DEFINITELY NOT DRINK RAT POISON! Haha (:

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on Thursday, December 31, 2009 , 8:45 PM
Ok THIS IS IT! New Year's eve! And tmr's 2010! How exciting!?!?! I know it is this point of time people prepare their New Year's Resolution. I'm not gonna do tht because I know myself, I either never fulfill them or totally forget about them along the way! HAHA! So instead, I just wanna reflect about this year first. Bcoz, seriously, alot of things happened this year.

2009 like 2008 or 2007 was a major learning journey for me. Except I feel, it is the year I learnt the most! 2009, the year i turned 16. 16 sounds young and mischievous (GOD! I hope I spelt tht correctly as well! MANGSY / SHAWNY! Correct me PLS!) I dunno why ppl named it sweet 16 but I think every year had its own sweetness. It just depends on the way we see it (:

I rmb Jan when we stepped into Sec 4 and Mangala was telling me tht she was scared for tht year. And i guess i was probably the only idiot who was excited for it! I dunno why but I just felt tht it was a new year with new changes, new beginnings and maybe a time for me to find out wad i really was and wad i really could do. Jan was crazy, the only thing i rmbed was us being so crazy and laughing all the way. I wanted 2009 to be the year whereby we could put aside wadeva tht happened in 2008 and just be tht same big group again like it was in 2007. But then again, the same thing never happens twice and like wad Mangsy said, somethings were just not possible. I wanted very much to prove her wrong then. But sadly it never did happen. And like wad she said tht same big group never came about again in the end. But i rmb this day in Tamil class whereby Mrs Subas did no lesson and we practically formed our own groups and crapped throughout tht period. Tht was the day we were all tgt just laughing our heads off as we tried to talk backwords. Haha. Even Mrs Subas tried it. Haha! And after tht, it was down to serious business. 'O's 'O's 'O's!


Then there came Feb, March and April whereby we had the Cultural Night, SYF and ofcoz not forgetting Julia Gabriel Debate Competition. This was where i had to choose 2 out of the 3 tht was happening. Bcoz I know I cannot handle too much responsibilities all at one go. And tht too at an important year like this one, I didn't wanna screw it up. But i did screw it up in the end! Haha. Anyways. So i chose debate and dance. Bcoz i definitely wldn't give up my dance. And as for debate and drama, i liked debate more. Hence i chose tht. But it was hard opting out of the drama SYF bcoz i really wanted to do SYF this year! And tht was possible only through drama. I dunno how shawn managed through the rehearsels and debate training dates which seemed to be clashing every week! HAHA! But i ain't as perfect as him (: As usual, dance went fine and as i said b4, people actually said tht Indian Dance improved alot throughout the years! Wad could bring us more happiness than tht! Though we wanted to enter SYFs and all as well, our school's low budget could not afford tht :( As for debate, it was a time i learnt the most I wld say. I'm sry for all those moments I was so sad and simply refused to pour out wad i was feeling but the truth, I realised tht i was trying so hard to be perfect tht i was so scared of losing and eventually forgot my capabilities. But ofcoz, I learnt that, tht is not the way it should be. Working towards perfection is ok but it is not ok when not wanting to lose becomes the only drive in ur head. This is where u will really loose everything tht u actually had. I only thank God I didn't reach tht lvl (: And through the difficult times we all faced, i learnt wad is the meaning of love. No matter wad happened, we remained close and supportive of each other. Ofcoz we can't fail to thank Mrs Aidil enough for being so supportive and fighting for us all as well. Truthfully speaking, it was the debate competition and drama syf tht brought us all close together (: and never in my life would i forget those moments (: The laughters we shared esp tht day at the IT resource room while preparing for CCA display! HAHA! Oh wait, was tht in 2008?? HAHA! Whichever one it was, it was those fun and crazy moments I'm talking about (:

May skidded pass very fast. And soon came June and July. June was the preparation for prelim 1 while July was the actual prelim itself. After tht period, laughters stopped and quietness grew. Probably bcoz the whole level didn't do so well for the first prelims. Well I did extremely bad to start with! Haha! I rmbed tht tht was the period i had to fight against many emotional set backs. Things were bad, at home. And i wldn't forget tht 1 and a half hours i spent talking out everything to Sirin when we met up in the library to study actually. Haha. And Sirin, thk u loads for tht (: Oh and ofcoz, everyone who wished me a sweet 16 and even took the trouble to buy me gifts, spend time with me and celebrate it with me during tht June hol break when u guys cld be using tht time to study instead. Those moments did cheer me up, ALOT in fact (: So thk u for tht. Though things are different now, i wldn't forget the good moments we all shared.

Then which came August whereby it was my first time being titled as a compulsory case during parent-teacher-meet session. Yea it was embarassing. But now thinking back, I realised, it no longer is. As i said, it really depends on how you look at things (:

And then September was our second prelims and also teachers' day concert. A moment, my class got closer (: Also a time whereby I got my stiff neck! HAHA! Ofcoz, not forgetting the moment of truth tht was awaiting me. So September wasn't a good time, but my L1R5 did imrpove! (: But still not as good as lending me in a good JC. Maybe the only place I could have ended up with tht score wld be Innova?! Haha.

So October and Novemver finally came. And the 'O's too finally came. The moment where I got to understand a lot of things. Such as not giving up and wad is it like being a teacher (:

Then the 'O's were finally over and there came grad lunch whereby it was like, I wldn't be seeing these crazy ppl anymore! Tht got me drowning into extreme sadness but Ms Lim's words rang into my ears again! "As u move on, rmb to look back at the good times u had and cherish them". I realised then tht though time passes by so fast and no one can change the fact tht 16 years of my life has passed swiftly, the memories, good or bad wld forever be etched in my memory. And dear friends, even those tht i only knew for a short period of time, each of you hv left a great impact in my life and though i regretted at sec 1 for entering JSS, after meeting wonderful ppl and all those moments we shared tgt, my feelings and appreciation could not be expressed in any other greater way than just 3 simple words and tht is I LOVE YOU! (:

After such emotional moments, i started spending more time with myself to go explore the big world and find out wad my area of interest really is. And if there is one 2009's resolution tht i fulfilled, tht wld be this one, as far as i can rmb. Haha! And though my pay creates a big hooha, it wasn't tht tht brought me total happiness. But it was abt learning more abt wad i could do with my life tht completed the circle of happiness. And ofcoz, I cannot thank God enough for letting me see tht advert in the newspaper. Haha.

To sum it all up, this year had been whacky, crazy, teary and most of all, the time for new beginnings. Not forgetting the time whereby i learnt more abt relationships. Whether it was abt family, friendship or more. I know tht I have told Mangs tht i felt as though i'm being shoved from one party to another. But no matter wad rite guys, I'm not regretting wadeva tht happened, be it this year or the last, whether i made the right or wrong decisions, bcoz w/o those we wldn't have learnt and grown to be stronger and more sophisticated, and most imptly, face the realities of life.

So to end it off, I just wanna thank God for giving me a great 2009 and letting me meet great ppl in life. I dunno wad is in store in years to come but I am just excited.

And Lastly, HAPPY 2010 to all & all the best for results all sexy JSSians! (:

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on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 , 7:57 AM
To whoever it may concern:
If you're expecting a reply, here it is. Firstly, I only said u taught me how to smile. I didn't say u put a smile across my face nor did u teach me my way through life. So dun talk as if u did. Next, its so funny how u can contradict urself when u say u miss me and u dun want me back. Hah! Get ur thots rite first my dear. I never said i wanted you back too. And just incase if u haven't been catching up with my earlier posts I've said a long time back tht I've found the rite ones now. And hello u left me? We left each other, at the same time. And i've long gone been over you since the moment i decided not to talk to you or tht there was no point in talking and finding out wad e prob is. In case if u dun understand wad tht means, it equates to not wanting u back too(: I noe i'm being very mean here but honey, think abt urself first. Rmb how u used to tell me things abt ur bumble bee? Rmb how u used to tell me things abt ur passionate ants? Rmb how u used to tell me things abt Riz? Now can i ask u the same question. Did ur opinions on them change only after we left each other? In other words are u making use of all of them? I dun think so rite? Its funny how a person can say tht someone was breathing into her atmosphere only after abt 2 years of friendship. Face it honey, u're jealous. And tht is why i feel betrayed. How someone so close to u can actually be jealous of you. And my dear, rage=anger and one of the reasons why anger sprouts is bcoz of jealousy. Its humans' tendency to change the way they think just like how they change and adapt to the situation coming ahead. And my dear its only after one changes the way they think tht they are able to change themself. They work together. The mind controls ur body. Yes u've changed and just like tht my opinions have changed too. U being a human as well, I'm sure ur opinions on ppl change as well. I'm not here to ask u why or anything bcoz yes like wad u said its over n it doesn't bother me anymore. but u saying something like tht abt me, nah, i'm not the kind of person who lets u talk all u want and i just sit down like a harmless pussy, not saying anything(: U have ur own reasons on why and how ur opinions on those ppl that i've just stated above change n i have mine too. I find no reason in explaining them to u bcoz u dunno me anymore. U've got ur own life now n i have mine. Yup tht's it. And yes god bless and all the best to u too.

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memoir :)

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